Anchor

So over Christmas Break I got a tattoo! I got it the Saturday before Christmas, and I am so obsessed with it. It turned out so well! It's on my right wrist and it's a small anchor. I've had several people ask why an anchor and so I've decided to take to the blog and explain :) I've already explained it to a few people (and if you can believe it one of them actually made fun of me for it. I'm not that close with that person anyway so whatever!)

I have always felt like anchors represent strength. I kind of compare myself to an anchor.  Say a storm hits.  The water gets really choppy, waves overtake everything, people scramble to protect themselves.  All the while there's this anchor down in the water. It may sway here and there a bit depending on how rough things get, but it never fully removes itself from the sand. Though it may waiver on occasion, it stays put and stays strong against everything that comes at it.

I am that anchor.

I have always been set in my ways, had the same morals and values if not for my whole life then for quite some time.  After I was raped my life got choppy and many different "waves" tried to move me from what I've always believed.  People tried to protect themselves....they claimed it didn't happen, claimed they weren't involved, placed all blame on me in order to cover themselves.

Depression, anxiety and thoughts of suicide all threatened  to disrupt my life, but in the end I stood strong and conquered each one (with the help of many doctors, counselors, and friends).  People harassed me, tormented me....called me names, screamed at me on campus as I walked to class.  They told me I was a slut, told me I was asking for it, told me that rape was something I'd obviously had coming to me. Told me it was God's way of punishing me (for what I guess I'll never know). People tried to tell me that my character was different than what I had always believed.  Suddenly, according to them, I was no longer someone who loved others and often had to remind herself to take care of herself once in a while instead of constantly taking care of others. Nope. Now I was someone who was selfish.  I was someone who destroyed lives, who crushed the dreams and ambitions of a man who brutally attacked me and raped me.  Not that that last part was ever mentioned by those people....it always seemed to be a tiny insignificant detail that got left out.

I was stalked. I was followed around on campus. My car was keyed. My tires were slashed.  It seemed like every time my life was starting to come together another wave came to knock me around.


I was admitted into a psychiatric hospital because of a counselor who often jumped to conclusions before she heard the entire story.  That would have been enough to break anybody. But not me. It was just another hiccup in what is proving to be a very very long road to recovery.

Through all of those horrible events I remained set in my ways.  Did I constantly question my values and ideas? Absolutely. But just because I questioned them does not mean I changed.

Instead, despite all of the trials, I stood strong in my own storm.

I am an anchor.  

The anchor on my wrist may just be a tattoo.

To me, though, it is a constant reminder of who I am, where I came from, what I've been through.

Most importantly, though, it is a reminder that I am strong. And I am a survivor.