Finally found my medicine and should be good to go for at least 2 weeks until I can find a new Dr. Yay! :) Today was the first day in weeks that I actually felt calm, and didn't have a huge knot in my stomach all day. Doesn't mean today was perfect, just means it was pretty close until someone stupid ruined it. Oh well.
I decided to skip therapy today....I feel like it's not helping too much at this point. I've been sort of bored the past few times I've been there. The other people I talk to there are in a much different place than I am and I think that contributes to me not wanting to be there. I guess we'll see what happens. I know I won't always be in a great place, but while I'm in a decent place I want to make sure I stay there for as long as possible and hearing other's stories doesn't really help that.
I have come SUCH a long way since last fall, it's incredible. At this point last year I was battling severe depression and anxiety, I hadn't been diagnosed with PTSD yet and I didn't know how I was going to make it through. I hated people, I was bitter, I was done. Now I'm looking at today. I have a great job, I've made some wonderful friends, I no longer battle depression, and I (at this point) am able to control my anxiety with a little help :)
The things I've realized will never change are that I will always be a rape survivor. That is something that will never go away and I need to start trying to accept that I was raped and move on with my life. It's hard, and it will always come back to my mind. I am not saying I will just forget about it and live like it never happened because THAT will NEVER happen. What I'm saying is, I need to start focusing on the really amazing things going on right now.
So I have a plan right now for staying in a good place and trying to be as stress free as possible. I'll make a list:
1. Watch Dance Moms and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo as much as possible because both of those shows are so freaking funny.
2. Go bother Whitney as much as possible since we work together and never see each other and she makes me laugh.
3. Utilize the stress lego on my desk :)
4. Let the haterz be my inspiratorz
5. Whenever I think of the night I was raped and the guy who did it, remind myself that he WILL do it again (I already know he's done it at least one more time after me and got away with it again) and eventually get caught.
Number 5 is really important because I tend to focus on the fact that he hurt me and got away with it. Guys like that almost always commit the same crime again. I would never wish this kind of pain on another person. I hope, though, that if he does do it again this girl will be braver than I was and go to the police right away. I pray she doesn't wait like I did.
All in all I'm in a good mood today which was great because I was really able to see all of the positive things in my life. I appreciate everyone who has stuck by my side :) And I appreciate new friends who decided I was still cool even though my life has been turned into a hot mess the past year!
I'm going to leave you with a quote I saw today that I am in love with. "Damaged people are dangerous, they know they can survive." Watch out y'all I may be picking up the pieces (still) but I made it once, and I know I can make it through anything. COME AT ME LIFE.
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