There is one thing in the world that has the ability to absolutely get under my skin like an unwanted bug, and that thing is ignorance regarding depression. The inspiration for this post was a conversation I overheard in the doctor's office today. The following statement is one I have heard thousands of times...
"She has nothing to be depressed about."
Folks, no one chooses depression. Depression is an illness. An illness like any other that you would treat medically. Do people choose to have heart attacks? Do they choose to have cancer? Diabetes? Thyroid problems? No. And none of us chooses to have a mental illness either.
I've always struggled with that term 'mental illness'. I think part of the issue is that when I have to explain that I've dealt with mental illness, I immediately brace myself to be judged and ridiculed. Think about what you hear on the news when there's a shooting or some type of local terror act...you often hear that they suffered from mental illness. I think we are all guilty of associating mental illness with bad people and believing that "good" people cannot suffer from the same conditions. I myself am guilty of that thought sometimes. It isn't true, though. Battling a mental illness doesn't make you a bad person. Not getting help and making poor choices might lead you toward being a "bad" person, but we have to stop labeling mental illness as bad when that isn't always true.
Depression is debilitating. It really is. There are days that I've battled depression where I couldn't peel myself off of my bed. It was like I was glued, trapped, and helpless. There have been days where I have felt completely hopeless before. There are days I thought God had abandoned me, that He wasn't in the midst of it all trying to coax me through it. There were days during my depression where I didn't want to keep breathing and dealing with life. I would rather sleep. Sometimes I wished I could sleep through my entire life. It was awful. It isn't a good feeling.
People who love you will try to help and become frustrated. You'll be frustrated. You'll be frustrated with them for being frustrated with you, and they'll be frustrated with you for being frustrated with them. It's a vicious cycle. Depression is a time that I always figured out the people in my life who were my true support system. That's the time I found out how loved I am. It's also the time I found out who my real friends were and weren't. There were times my support system said and did the wrong things and I would fall deeper into a pit of emotional pain. There are times they would say and do the right thing and I would pull back out of it for a time. It's complicated, and beautiful, and frustrating, and awful all at the same time.
It's funny, sometimes, how we are finally able to pull out of our depression. One time it was during an intense game of Pretty Pretty Princess my senior year of college (if you don't know what that is, it's a board game I loved as a kid where you collect and wear all of the princess jewelry...the college version was high stakes: loser had to vacuum the entire apartment). Another time I was laying in bed crying and I saw a stink bug climbing up the wall. The gross little bug kept falling and I remember just sitting there cackling. There really wasn't anything funny about it now that I look back, but at the time it's exactly what I needed.
Just because good things happen to you, doesn't mean you can't suffer from depression. It almost turns you into a different person and you have to fight back hard. There are days it will be the most difficult battle of your life. Depression isn't about being sad. It's about being unable to live your life. It's about not knowing how to cope with your everyday life. I've had friends come over and clean my apartment, do my dishes, take out my trash, etc. because I had gone so long without being able to get out of my bed.
Next time you hear that someone you love is battling depression, let's try loving them instead of judging them.
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