First let me explain the new blog title. I am a hot mess. I embrace it, I laugh at it, I label myself as such. And that's ok. I also think my life is beautiful. A mess, but a beautiful mess. I don't want to call this blog Tales of a Survivor anymore, because I don't want to keep living in the shadow of my rape. I still deal with it, but for the most part it's in my past. I don't want to keep blogging only from a survivor perspective. I want to write about things that help you to see just ME for who I am on a daily basis. Sometimes I will post about my assault, because writing is therapeutic. But for now I'm moving slightly away from that.
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So let me get in to why I am writing tonight. Raise your hand if you're an extrovert that also needs rest, but hates being away from people, but needs a break from people, but doesn't want to be alone! Just me? Once again, the cheese stands alone. Y'all the struggle is so real on this very long, but much needed snow day.
First thing's first, I really needed this snow day yesterday when I was battling a stomach bug for the second time in less than a week. Who does that even happen to!? But of course it was perfect weather, and schools were still open. One day stuck in the house and in bed is one thing. It was great. I slept all day and watched Disney movies. It was the dream life. Today we have a snow day...ok, cool. Last year when I had snow days it wasn't terrible outside so I could go out to different places or at least walk around and be fine. NOT TODAY! I watched out my bedroom window as cars slid down my unplowed, unsalted side road and thought, "this can't be good". I thought I could confine myself to my apartment, but an extrovert can only nap and watch movies for so long. I knew I wasn't going to be able to handle it two days in a row. I got up and thought I could at least take a walk. It wasn't sleeting at this point, so I should have been good to go, right?! Wrong. I had to take my trash to the dumpster first. Besides nearly dying walking down the steps outside that were coated in ice, my car slid everywhere on the extremely short trip to the next set of buildings where they hide the trash. That is when the reality of being stuck inside all day truly struck me and I panicked.
I have done everything a person can do. I binge-watched Netflix, I cleaned the apartment, played with the kitten, reorganized my bedroom, cooked everything I could think of and promptly put it all in the fridge because I'm afraid to eat anything other than crackers, read for a couple of hours. And I'm still BORED OUT OF MY MIND. I am crawling out of my skin. I crave human interaction, people! I love snow days and I am so thankful I didn't have to go to work today. But from now on I'm going to be a little more specific in my snow day prayers. They're going to sound a lot like "Lord, please let it snow so that I don't have to work. But don't make it snow too much because I still want my friends to come over and eat Chipotle and watch movies. I just don't want to work. But I still want people. Thank you Amen."
Think it'll work? Am I being too picky? I love my snow days, but I do terribly on my own. Some of you will remember the great Twitter-fest of 2014 during the February ice storms we had. I tweeted about every crazy thought I had including a stinkbug I found, what I would do if I had a pet kangaroo, and my thoughts on how and why butter was invented. I do best when I am allowed to be near people. Not even having to do or say anything, just someone else's presence can make me feel completely calm. I often wonder why God wired me like that, because it makes some days and experiences really frustrating and difficult.
I am the type of person that constantly craves human interaction, but needs her space, alone time, and rest. It's so strange to me to need all of those things and so desperately want them all at the exact same time. It's impossible to rest and have alone time surrounded by people, yet in a perfect dream world that's exactly what I would be able to do. If anyone can figure out how that's possible, let me know.
Right now I am so tempted to just run to the house next door (or, rather, slide to the house next door) and ask to be friends so I have people to hang out with instead of being cooped up and unable to go anywhere. Anyone who has heard me complain about those neighbors knows that is a completely desperate thought.
How do you extroverts deal with going stir crazy!?
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