Keep it Classy, Walmart Shoppers

I woke up sick this morning and tried so hard to make it at work, which lasted all of 10 minutes (shout out to Lauren for bringing me red gatorade and throat drops! Friend of the year!). I had to call for a sub, and once she got there I drove straight home and fell asleep for 5 hours. It was a glorious sleep.

Every piece of food I have in my apartment is crunchy or something that will scratch my throat (and my big issue is that my throat hurts, and I'm in more pain than I would be if I had stepped on a lego barefoot.). So I decided to run to Walmart real quick to get some soup and ice cream.  While I was there I overheard a conversation that really made me angry.

There was a group of women standing there (I don't even know if I can call them women they were so immature....) and they were talking about someone they didn't like.  2 of them were around my age and the other 2 looked like they were around my parents age.  I'm grabbing my vanilla bean ice cream out of the freezer when I hear this interaction:

Girl 1: I really hate Christy! She is so stuck up!

Girl 2: Right!? She's such a whore!

Girl 3: She sleeps with anything that has 2 legs, God probably hates her.

Girl 4: That bitch deserves to be raped. Maybe then she'll learn to keep her legs closed and it'll knock her down a few pegs.

Girls 1-3: YES!

Are you KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?

Ok first of all let me be truthful. I cannot honestly say that I have never talked about anyone behind their back or complained about someone's life choices.  I am not perfect.  But after everything I have been through I refuse to call anyone a slut, whore, or any other derogatory term that questions (or destroys) someone's reputation. I have been there, I didn't appreciate it when it happened to me, and I will not do it to anybody else.

Ladies, when did we get to a point where it is OK for us to put each other down and wish such hateful things on each other? We should be lifting each other up, and supporting one another.  To wish something as horrible as rape on another person just because you don't like them is ridiculous, and childish. I will not tolerate it, and none of you should either. It pains me to see people (not just women) treating one another like this. This is one of the reasons there are so many problems in the world.

Rape is a life changing event that I would wish on no one. You could be the most hateful person I have ever met and I would not wish that kind of pain on you.

It's not just this particular conversation that upsets me.  I have heard people talking about people they act friendly towards.  They say things that begin rumors and hurt reputations.  They make comments on things that should be none of their business.  I hear it everywhere.  I don't believe that any of us have the right to judge others.  We are all so beautifully imperfect.  Our flaws and differences are what keep life interesting, and for you to try and destroy that in a moment of immaturity is pitiful.

We should not be tearing other people down because of our own insecurities.  If you are that insecure, you need to go seek some help.

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Today I was looking through some pictures on Facebook and came across a picture of me that had been taken the day after I was released from the nut house.  I just want you all to see how I looked then (a year ago) and compare it to how I look today.

Even though I'm smiling in this picture it's so obvious I was not ok.  My skin is gray and my eyes? They're dead.  It's like there was nothing going on in that noggin of mine.  I was going through the motions and had no idea how to deal with my life at that point. I had found rock bottom, and hit it hard. Way hard.  Everyone had thought I had gone to the deepest level of darkness possible in September....they had no idea what that January had in store for me.  So glad that part of my life is gone and past, and that I don't look like this anymore (maybe every once in a while, but trust me last year this look hung out and took it's time getting to know me for a while).

Look at me now! Still pasty as ever ;) but don't I look happy, happy, happy? The light is back in my eyes, my smile is not fake.  I have realized over the past year (well I guess it took me longer than that, since everything that went wrong happened almost 2 years ago) that I am one strong chick! I deserve to smile, I deserve to laugh, I deserve to be loved, and I deserve to be happy.  It's OK for me to be goofy, it's OK for me to be sad once in a while, it's OK for me to talk about how I'm feeling (even if it means it makes me uncomfortable).  Rape? Big, extended road block.  Nut house? Hiccup. Realizing who I am and what I stand for? Worth it.  If I died tomorrow I would want people to remember me like this and not like that slug from last January.  I want to be remembered as a woman who took a bad situation and told it who's boss. I would want to be remembered as one tough girl who made it known that you can't keep her down.  I want to be remembered as someone who did everything in her power to educate people on what she went through and help others who have gone through the same thing.

Before anyone panics, I don't plan on dying anytime soon.  Writing this I felt like this one woman who used to say to me at family gatherings "I'll see you next time, but who knows, I could be dead!"  :) I'm just saying if it were to happen any time soon I would hope people would remember me for the good things I have accomplished and not for my low points :)