Happy List

Ok people, I know I've done this before but I feel like it's time for me to make another happy list.  I have been using a journal to record at least two good things that happen everyday (my therapist is making me do that) and actually it has really opened my eyes to things I have taken for granted and missed out on.  I am going to try harder to focus on the little things that I let pass by.  There are obvious things that make me happy like family and friends, but I want to start looking at the little details of my life. 

Kayleigh's Happiness List

1. The cool air the past few mornings.  It smelled like fall, I got to wear my favorite cardigan and pair of boots and it was wonderful.

2. Comfortable silence with friends.  For those times where what you don't know how to verbalize speaks volumes and you instantly understand what the other is thinking. 

3. Microfleece blankets.  

4.  Seeing people take time out of their day to make someone (even a complete stranger) feel special.

5. Seeing how easily kids can love and how accepting they can be of anyone they come across. It melts my heart.

6. Watching the leaves change colors. 

7. Driving with the windows down and breathing in the country air.

8. Learning new things.

9. Laughing at a joke or an old memory. 

10.  Tea with honey (the cure for any foul mood)


All of these things really do make me happy, but I always seem to ignore them.  I am too caught up in the pain I'm feeling, and let's face it....I am punishing myself for an event in my life that I had no control over...he isn't continuing to torture me.  I am allowing him too. I think, I replay, I feel like I don't deserve to be happy. Know what? I am so sick of acting like a victim.  I bet he never thinks about it.  It was a tiny insignificant part of his life, and has become the biggest part of mine. I need to redefine who I am. I need to stop torturing myself.  I need to start liking myself again.  I need to let it go, get through my therapy program and keep on keepin' on. I want to appreciate the tiny blessings in my life as much as I appreciate and acknowledge the big ones.

Guys, I am alive and that is amazing.  When things got out of control, I was reigned back in.  I have so much I want to do in my life, so many people I want to reach, so many places I want to go.  I have dreams for my future again.  I have goals.  I don't want to be the girl whose mood is always in question.  I want to be the woman whose happiness spreads, who when people look at her think "WOW she is a genuinely happy person!"  I want to learn to be content with what I have and to stop stressing about what I don't.  I want to start keeping my friends instead of pushing them away.  I want to keep carving out my life.  I don't want to have any regrets.

I want to live happily, like I used to, and be OK with whatever is thrown at me.