I've talked before about how expensive therapy is, and how I stopped going because I can't afford it. The other downside to it is that every time I go my therapist makes me talk about my rape and I don't necessarily always want to talk about it. I mean sometimes I do, and I'll blog about it. But when I've had a really good day, the last thing I want to do is sit in a room for an hour and talk about the worst day of my life. She does this thing too where I have to close my eyes and picture I'm back in that apartment that night with him and I have to tell her what's happening and how I feel about it. It's just draining. So I stopped going and now I decided I still need something therapeutic.....so I got a pet bunny!
Yesterday I went Christmas shopping with Lauren and we went in the pet store and I wanted a puppy and she tried to convince me to get one, but I knew a dog wasn't a good idea since I live in a little shoebox apartment. So we went over to look at the rabbits and I started squeeling about how I wanted one. Lauren (Ms. Enabler) started listing off every reason why I should get one....and so I bought this little caramel colored one with a white spot on his head. His name is Mufasa :)
I was having a not so great day today and was just feeling kind of down for no particular reason. When I got home from my part time job, I sat by Mufasa's cage and watched him play. I took a nap and when I woke up he was jumping around chasing a fly. I was talking to a friend about having an off day and I started crying and Mufasa jumped over in my lap, climbed up my shirt, sat on my shoulder and fell asleep. He made me feel so much better.
I think having something to take care of will make things a little easier sometimes. I think having a little ball of fuzz to cuddle with whenever I want will make it better too :)
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Sunday, December 2, 2012
The lights the lights the lights the lights
Why is it that the weekend always goes by so fast? I feel like I've hardly had a chance to relax and breathe! I spent time with Amie and co on Friday night, Whitney and co Saturday night and then worked all day today. And for those of you wondering why I was working on a Sunday....in addition to a full time teaching job I still hold a part time child care job. I know I'm crazy, but I'm so nervous when it comes to money that having that little bit extra makes me feel safe. All of the kiddos I took care of today were wonderful and I actually had fun. I got home and made burrito casserole (I'm so impressed with myself) and now I'm waiting for Once Upon a Time to start. Once my show is over I plan on taking a ride to Greensboro to continue a tradition I started last year which is kind of the whole point of this post.
Last year after having a pretty bad panic attack, I decided to take a drive. I was just going to drive around aimlessly, I had no destination in mind, I just wanted time to clear my head and calm down. So I started off and after a few random turns I ended up in a neighborhood in Greensboro with the most beautiful lights I had ever seen. For those of you who don't live around here I'll describe them as best I can. They're like balls of Christmas lights hanging from trees. Most are round, some are in different shapes and they line the entire street. When I first saw them I pulled over, got out of my car and walked up and down that street for an hour.
This was at a point in my life last year when I was extremely depressed. I was in such a dark place and nothing could pull me out of it....except for these lights. After that first night I would make sure that every evening I would go to Cookout and get an eggnog milkshake, listen to Christmas music and drive up and down the street looking at the lights. I have never had anything impact me quite like this did. These lights brought me so much joy that I would start crying sometimes while I drove because I was so happy. I would be at the apartment miserable, laying around feeling worthless but as soon as I got to this street something in me would just shout "you're ok!" And I would just feel so wonderful tht I would t want to leave.
Those Christmas lights hold such a special place in my heart which sounds so dumb. I think though that this tradition is what got me through one of the toughest Christmas seasons I had ever had. I wouldn't be able to go home for Christmas or see my family and every other part of my life was crumbling. But those nightly drives made me forget about all of those things for a little while.
I will keep up this tradition until the day I die. It's too important a part of me and my history to give up. I don't always go by myself....I dragged my mom when she visited after Christmas last year. It always bothers me though when I tell people about it and they go "oh I should do that too!" No. You shouldn't. Unless you come with me :)
I can't wait to go get my milkshake and take my little trip!
Last year after having a pretty bad panic attack, I decided to take a drive. I was just going to drive around aimlessly, I had no destination in mind, I just wanted time to clear my head and calm down. So I started off and after a few random turns I ended up in a neighborhood in Greensboro with the most beautiful lights I had ever seen. For those of you who don't live around here I'll describe them as best I can. They're like balls of Christmas lights hanging from trees. Most are round, some are in different shapes and they line the entire street. When I first saw them I pulled over, got out of my car and walked up and down that street for an hour.
This was at a point in my life last year when I was extremely depressed. I was in such a dark place and nothing could pull me out of it....except for these lights. After that first night I would make sure that every evening I would go to Cookout and get an eggnog milkshake, listen to Christmas music and drive up and down the street looking at the lights. I have never had anything impact me quite like this did. These lights brought me so much joy that I would start crying sometimes while I drove because I was so happy. I would be at the apartment miserable, laying around feeling worthless but as soon as I got to this street something in me would just shout "you're ok!" And I would just feel so wonderful tht I would t want to leave.
Those Christmas lights hold such a special place in my heart which sounds so dumb. I think though that this tradition is what got me through one of the toughest Christmas seasons I had ever had. I wouldn't be able to go home for Christmas or see my family and every other part of my life was crumbling. But those nightly drives made me forget about all of those things for a little while.
I will keep up this tradition until the day I die. It's too important a part of me and my history to give up. I don't always go by myself....I dragged my mom when she visited after Christmas last year. It always bothers me though when I tell people about it and they go "oh I should do that too!" No. You shouldn't. Unless you come with me :)
I can't wait to go get my milkshake and take my little trip!
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