Dear Survivor

Earlier this week I saw an article posted on Facebook about a young man who was arrested for raping a 20 year old girl from a different university than the one he attended. Let me go ahead and tell you that some of the comments being made truly upset me. Little things like, "we call a lot of things rape these days. When a guy and a girl participate in heavy foreplay and the girl changes her mind right before they actually have sex and they have sex anyway, that's suddenly rape." Uhm, last time I checked that IS rape. Seriously? I don't care what you were doing...as soon as you say 'no' or 'stop' or if you're too intoxicated to be giving consent, I expect the other party involved to be considerate and respectful and STOP. Aside from all of that I couldn't help but think about that poor girl whose life was suddenly turned upside down. She's the same age I was, went through the same trauma I did, and will undoubtedly deal with some of the same problems afterward that I did. I thought about what I would say to her and what I would tell her about fighting through it and decided to write an open letter. I don't know that that particular girl would ever see it, but if ONE survivor sees it and it helps ONE person, then it could be worth it.

Dear Survivor,
That's what you should think of yourself as now; a survivor.  You aren't a victim, but there are going to be days, weeks, months, and years where you'll feel like it's going to be so much easier to just act like one. You have gone through what is, in my opinion, the worst trauma you could have gone through. It's confusing and a lot of times it won't make sense. You'll wonder why you're so upset when you could be dead. Eventually you're going to realize that you have every right to feel every emotion that floods you. 

There are going to be days where you will want to die. Pulling yourself out of bed is going to be a struggle, you'll think that things would just be easier if you could just stop breathing. You'll dream about taking pills or running a razor through your skin. And then there will be times where everything will stop feeling so overwhelming and you'll question why you ever felt like your life wasn't worth living.

Physical touch might scare you for a while. A sudden brush against your shoulder, a hug, a pat on the back...all of these things have the potential to send you spiraling. And that's ok. Eventually you will work through it. 

You didn't deserve this. None of us did. I speak from experience. We should have had normal lives, we shouldn't be afraid of people, we shouldn't have to struggle through simple every day tasks. Unfortunately that's the hand we've been dealt and here's how we're going to handle it. 

Fight. Promise me you will fight. Don't hurt yourself, don't kill yourself, don't be ok with being stuck in bed all day. Fight back. Don't let him take the joy of living your life fully away from you. Find a good therapist and stick with them until they feel you're ready to exit. If necessary, find a psychiatrist and tell them about any symptoms you're experiencing. Many of us suffer from PTSD, and something I learned that I hadn't known is that PTSD is treatable and cureable according to my own doctor. Speak to people. You don't have to do what I do and blog. You don't have to tell everyone you meet, but I highly suggest telling one person that you trust with everything you have. Having someone to confide in is so helpful especially during the darkest days. Having a support and someone to look out for you is important. 

I know it sucks. It will always suck. It is the worst and I wish you didn't have to join the club. Unfortunately you, like the rest of us, didn't have a choice. Know that I believe you can make it. I believe you can fight hard and that you won't let it define you. Block out the opinions in this world that aren't acting as an encouragement to you. Surround yourself with people who will build you up and make you feel alive. 

Most importantly know that though I may not know any of you survivors who are reading this, that I care about you and encourage you from afar. Know that I pray for each of you every day. And know that you can survive. 

Love,
Someone who has had to go through the same hell you have