Life: Transformed

Hi, my name is Kayleigh and I have been panic attack free for 3 months.

Do you hear that!? 3 months! Praise the Lord!

I never thought in a million years that I would ever be able to say I had gone any significant period of time without a panic attack. It is incredible.

I have been thinking about last year for the past few days. At this moment last year I wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping, was having multiple panic attacks a day. I was a hot mess. Passing out, getting sick, being driven to urgent care, taking an ambulance to the ER. I cried a lot, I apologized a lot, and I finally convinced myself that I had fallen apart so much that I would never be pieced back together.

In the words of Justin Bieber..."I will never say neveeeeeer".

I made it an entire year, and the way my life has transformed is something I never could have imagined. It is truly amazing. I won't lie and say it was easy...it was difficult. It hurts. You purge a lot, and you learn a lot. Sometimes your emotions are overwhelming, and sometimes you feel nothing at all. It is very easy to want to give up. I wanted to so many times.

However, the end result is so worth it. Look at me! I am in such a good place right now. I don't sweat dumb stuff (ok that's not completely true...I handle it a lot better than I used to) and I look forward to each day. I don't dread my life anymore. I embrace it and I move forward and I try and take advantage of each day. I couldn't have gotten to that point without the help of so many. Even my family, who I kind of deserted there for a while. When I was ready, I came back. And they welcomed me back like I had never left. That is the kind of love I wish everyone could experience in their life. That is the kind of love I hope to shower onto others.

Next week is the 3 year anniversary. I have amazing friends who have offered to talk, stay over, eat food. All so that I can get through that crazy day. You know what? I am very blessed with wonderful friends.

I do not dread next week. Will it be difficult? Maybe. Probably. Will it hurt? I don't know that the pain will be as severe as it's been. I feel like it will be more of a sting. Manageable. Present, but manageable. Much easier than it has been in the past.

And in return of the last year, I am trying to show how grateful I am to each person who played a role in getting me through the past year. The way I choose to deal with my emotions this time around is to show everyone in my life that I love them dearly and that I would never have made it this far had it not been for their love, patience, and hope.

I look forward to an even better year.