Simple things bring joy to my heart.
A baby's giggle, the bright colors of a firework, the hug of a good friend, a fresh cup of coffee.
So often I don't take the time to slow down and appreciate those simple things. So often I place too much value on the "big" things in life, typically things that cause me stress. I whine, I cry, I worry. Money is always in short supply. Rejection will always hurt. Imagine what could happen if I could ignore the things that hurt, and embraced the things that actually bring joy to my life.
Unfortunately, I don't believe that any of us can truly ignore the stresses and upsets in our lives, but we can place less value on those things.
I was reminded this week several times how well I have it. As I drove home from the car shop with two brand new tires and a $200 hole in my bank account, I agonized over the amount of money I no longer had to do 'fun' things. Then as I was driving, I pass several individuals asking for money on street corners. People who seemingly have nothing. I passed people waiting in line at a church for food. And I felt ashamed. Ashamed that I was worrying about money I could no longer splurge on shoes, or clothes, or outings. Ashamed that I didn't take the time to understand how I am blessed financially in this current season of my life. Yes, I live on a teacher's salary which arguably isn't much, but I also have a salary which is more than so many can say. I have the means to pay for luxuries like my car. I have the means to pay for shelter, food, and clothing. Why am I worried about the extras in life, when I can easily possess the necessities?
I worried about so much. I worried about my job, grad school, friendships, failed relationships. Nothing was distracting me from these worries! I never thought I'd snap out of it until I was at Duke hospital waiting for a friend, and a little girl approached me. Questions came firing at me one after the other out of the mouth of the sweetest face. "Hi! I have cancer. I like your hair! Can I touch it? You can't catch my cancer. I don't have hair cause my cancer, but I have a shiny head! I like my shiny head! Do you like my shiny head? You're pretty! I wish I could be pretty like you! Do you like my bear? She's my hospital bear! Do you like ice cream? Do you like french fries? Have you ever seen a hummingbird? I come to the hospital cause I am very sick! Are you very sick?" The questions went on and on.
And I was ashamed.
I was ashamed because a 5 year old understands more about life than I do. I was ashamed because her mother shared with me they'd been going through treatments with no marked success and things could turn grim any moment. I was ashamed because in my little world, dumb things mattered this week. In the real world there were precious children fighting for their lives. Fighting to have a future of the very obstacles I was complaining about.
I wouldn't dare tell any of you that I have completely dropped the hurt and worries I've experienced this week. That would be a lie, and I am not silly enough to think that I can instantly change my mindset. What I did realize, however, is that I need to stop and smell the roses. Each day is not guaranteed, and I'm placing too much value on things that in the end won't mean much. I need to learn to enjoy my struggles, to appreciate what they teach me. I'm not quite there yet, but with some work I know I will grow.
I want to start appreciating the simple things that used to bring me joy. That still bring me joy. Too many times they have been overlooked, and ignored so I can go back to worrying.
Worrying is no longer my job. Appreciating the life I have is.
